On Pain

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes

Revelation 21:4

As I sit here, at the end of the day, thumbing through some verses of Scripture and trying to make sense of it all, my mind is clouded by the intense throbbing at the side of my mouth. It is a troublesome toothache that will not let me focus and I dread the hours ahead when I will toss and turn and wonder why I did not get some Ibuprofen before returning home. Even as my mind wonders, I remember Jessie*, and what she said to me a few hours before.

As I was coming near the end of my evening shift I went in to see Jessie, a fiery 70-something year old on our ward. The metalwork which replaced her left hip eight years ago is slowly boring a hole into her pelvis and is causing her the most excruciating pain. As I spoke with her she held my gaze, her piercing eyes drilling their way straight through my skull. “If I were a dog”, she intoned, her voice quivering as she tried hard to control it, “If I were a dog, you would put me down! Doctor, did you hear me? That’s how I feel.” It was hard not to feel sorry for her. And the aching of my tooth is probably nothing compared to the agony she has been going through for the better part of a month, day-in, day-out.

Pain is an all too present part of our everyday lives isn’t it? From the annoying ache of a stubbed toe to the sharp and grinding tenderness of a metastatic bone lesion and the dolour that goes with it, we are never too far from a little bit of pain. And, perhaps, it is one of the most enduring Whys of our existence: “Why would God create a world with so much pain?” Most mysterious of all, he has allowed that human’s favourite gift – the gift of childbirth – would not come without this most unwelcome of accompaniments. And then there are the less corporeal and yet more oppressive emotional stressors – the pain of separation and of loss and of death.

As I pore over Paul’s words in 2 Timothy 1:4, I get the sense that he too was going through an ordeal – the sense of separation from and longing for his long-time friend and son, knowing that indeed the words he was writing might well turn out to be their last communication and that they may never again see each other this side of eternity. His long incarceration was not helping matters and every day that passed the pain of separation gets worse. But even through the tears he spoke to the young man’s heart these immortal words: “... I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.” (2 Tim 1:9)

The great encouragement for the believer is that a Day is coming when “God will wipe away every tear from their eyes and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

Amen. Come Lord Jesus.

With love, Doosuur

*Not her real name

On Being Accountable

I went in response to a revelation and set before them the gospel that I preach among the Gentiles. But I did this privately to those who seemed to be leaders, for fear that I was running or had run my race in vain.

Galatians 2:2

“Do you have any weaknesses?”, she asked me, looking me straight in the eye, unblinking.

I gave an uneasy giggle, trying to read her face. It was serious. Dead serious. All the joking and jabbing stopped here as Dr. Logan stared me down. Her pale face was framed with wiry strands of blond hair in need of a comb and her thin lips were pursed, unsmiling. It was hard to believe that this was the same person who minutes ago had been churning out one-liners a mile a second.

“Uhm… yeah…” I stuttered, my mind going into overdrive. Everyone has weaknesses, I thought. Is this a trick question?

A mere 24 hours before I had first met this wiry middle-aged lady as I sat at a desk poring over a poorly patient’s latest bloodwork. “Hi, I’m Dr. Logan,” she said, thrusting a sinewy hand in my direction, “Julie. I’m going to be your clinical supervisor for the next six months.”

Indeed I had been looking forward to meeting her for a couple of weeks now and here I was, finally in her office, for our first official encounter. The meeting had started with a quick and easy interrogation as she got a quick run-down of my medical training up to this point and a feel of what I wanted to achieve in this particular stint in geriatric medicine. She was easy to talk to, all nice and smiling, even jabbing the odd elbow in my direction every once in a while. But now, as she asked that question, her countenance had all but changed. And I felt it. This, here, was the question that mattered the most.

Indeed, like she had already noted, I have quite a bit of experience in clinical medicine and the best way she could help me to make the most of this posting was to know what my deficiencies are - how best she could help me along. And so she asked, “Do you have any weaknesses?” No, it wasn’t a trick question.

Mariam and I have recently had the pleasure of reading Paul’s terrific diatribe against the church at Galatia. In his letter he outlines how he became entrusted with the true gospel by revelation of Jesus Christ and how he preached it faithfully to the fledgling congregation. However, midway through his missionary sojourns in Asia Minor, Paul took a major detour to return to Jerusalem, the city where it all started - where the Jesus he preached was crucified and died. While there, he made no assumptions as to the truth of his own message but set it plainly, as he understood it, before the Church elders. His intention was to find out if indeed what he had been speaking was the true and complete gospel (Galatians 2:1-10).

Is it not wonderful that men like Paul, established as they were in the Word, would stop long enough to make themselves accountable to others? That they would seek to refine their message and become even better than they were? Is not that the purpose of having someone to whom one could turn - some person to hold you accountable?

In medicine it is prudent, if not vital, that while I remain in training, someone has the responsibility to see that I develop myself; that my weaknesses are identified and dealt with. Students have their professors and apprentices have their mentors. Oh, that we would have Christian men and women to whom we could turn and say, “I have a weakness…”.

A big thank you to all who have served this purpose for me through my life. You know yourselves. God bless you.

With love, Doosuur.

At the Pelican Crossing

I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance... Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.
Revelations 2:2-5

I was sitting in the back row, taking in the sights of Scarborough in the evening, as our number 10 bus idled at a red traffic light. Out of the corner of my eye a quick motion caught my attention and I turned just in time to see it. A young man, sixteen or seventeen perhaps, with an oversized jacket full of so much color it would have made Joseph green with envy, and jeans riding oh-so-low, was approaching the pelican crossing, bopping his head to the music emanating from his extra large headphones. He took a quick step towards the pedestrian barriers at the crossing and in one fluid motion vaulted the steel barricade and then walked off with, oh, so much swagger. He had hardly broken stride from approach to scale to push off. Wow! It would have taken three or four more steps to walk round the steel bars and cross the proper way but that was so uncool, wasn’t it? Who does that when there’s a three foot fence to jump over?

I suppressed a snicker as I quickly realized it would probably have been more of a sneer borne out of my jealousy that at a measly thirty-odd years I have neither the spunk nor the sprite to do such a thing. It was all in a days work for him; for me and my growing paunch, it would take a few weeks plotting. You could excuse him and call it youthful exuberance but you’d look at me and call me downright foolish. He had hardly expended any energy, I would be lucky to get away with my front teeth intact. But oh, how I wished I could do that again!

And it’s not just him I envy. I look at our friend John’s new baby, sleeping calmly and I wish I hadn’t a care in the world! I watch my nephew trying his hand out on some Lego® and I wish I could put my creative instincts to such idle work. I have such nostalgia for secondary school and the legendary experiences I had there which we will talk about till the day we die. Can you feel me here? There are many things I did once upon a time and will never do again. But then there are some that perhaps I should!

Like just sit and read the Word and love it. Like drive off to nowhere and bask in the presence of a mighty God while I watch the beautiful sunset. Like go on my knees and pray my heart out.

Do I read Scripture? Oh yes I do. Do I pray? To be sure! But when I remember the passion and desire with which I did these once upon a time there is more than just a hint of nostalgia. I wish I could go back and do those things again with the same energy and excitement and ... and love! I want to rediscover the love of Christ that held me, the truth of God that inspired me, the grace of Jesus that thrilled me. These truths are as real to me as ever, but perhaps I do not just stop and enjoy them as often as I once did. Now I am older and wiser but surely that must enhance my worship, rather than hinder it, no?

As we grow in Christ we must stop often, take stock and, like John through the Spirit advised the Ephesian church in our verse today, “do the things you did at first.” So here’s to reliving our early Christian experience. Share with us! What did you do once upon a time that you would love to do again? You just might have a great idea that will inspire somebody’s worship and help an old Christian grow young again. Go ahead, share it with us!

With love, Doosuur.