True Confessions

… You are a slave to whatever controls you.

2 Peter 2:19

I have an addiction. Actually, it seems I always have done.

It happens at different periods of my life, my obsession with something. It just captivates me and seems to take up just about all my time. Sometimes it's constructive, sometimes it's just wasteful. At one time it was keyboards, then chess, then the internet. Lately, it's been this football management game on my laptop. Testing my skills against the likes of a virtual Mourinho and Ferguson has been pretty exhilarating. I return to it moment after moment to get my own little "high".

Like all true addictions, it started pretty insidiously and gradually grew on me. At the beginning, it was just an interesting way to pass time while waiting for this or that. But then it slowly became something to look forward to. I no longer used it to pass time. I made time to indulge myself. Sad huh?

Now recognizing that it had become an addiction was not really that hard to do. I mean, it was staring me in the face. There was no "moment" when I said to myself, "Okay, you're in some trouble here." I just kind of knew that if one single thing was taking so much of my time then it was pretty dangerous.

Now here's where it gets interesting. I thought all I needed to do to get over it was to delete it from my computer. Nothing could be further from the truth. You should see the flourish with which I hit the uninstall button and my pride as I watched the laptop go through the motions of taking Football Manager out of my life. "There, I've done it" I announced to myself with pride. But that was only the beginning. The hard part was still to come. You see, deleting the program could not cure my addiction any more than throwing away a pack of cigarettes can curb a nicotine dependency. The problem is not the object of the addiction but the craving. While the desire remains it is intensely difficult to get on with anything else and you look for ways to satisfy yourself.

So here I was, no Football Manager to play with and bored stiff with nothing to do. I've learned, more from theory than experience, that the best way to get rid of an addiction is to turn to something else. Thankfully, I could turn back to my laptop and tell you all this story and hope that by sharing this somebody out there might hold me accountable. I'm sharing this also for the few of you that struggle with similar problems in your life. For one thing, know that you are not alone. And what's more, you can have victory! I'm working towards mine.

With love, Doosuur.